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Love is sharing your fries, they say. Well, I tried that once, and let's just say it was the closest we've come to a Shakespearean tragedy. I still mourn the loss of those crispy golden sticks.
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My partner claims we have our own love language, but I'm pretty sure it's just a series of grunts and eye rolls. It's like Morse code for modern relationships. If I roll my eyes three times, it means I love you, and if I sigh heavily, it means, "Let's order takeout.
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They say love is blind, but I think it's more like love is a skilled contortionist. It can overlook the socks on the floor and the toothpaste cap left off, but ask it to tolerate a misplaced throw pillow, and suddenly it's a deal-breaker.
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Relationships are a lot like GPS navigation systems. Sometimes they recalculate when you least expect it, and if you ignore the warnings, you might find yourself in the middle of nowhere, arguing over whose fault it is.
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In every love story, there's that magical moment when the couple locks eyes across a crowded room. In real life, it's more like locking eyes across a crowded grocery store while both reaching for the last avocado. Love and guacamole – a modern epic.
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You know you're in a long-term relationship when a trip to the hardware store together becomes a romantic date night. Nothing says love like arguing over paint colors and debating the merits of different types of screwdrivers in aisle seven.
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You know you're in a committed relationship when you start arguing about the most important decision of the day: what to watch on Netflix. It's like, "Honey, I love you, but I draw the line at another documentary about artisanal cheese making!
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My love story involves a lot of compromise. Like when my partner wanted to watch a romantic movie, and I suggested an action-packed thriller instead. We compromised and ended up watching a romantic thriller – apparently, that's a genre.
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I recently read a romance novel, and now I understand why they call it a "love story." It's a story about love, but mostly about how many misunderstandings and near-death experiences it takes to get to the happily ever after. I mean, is love not complicated enough without throwing in a kidnapping and a sudden tornado?
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Have you ever noticed that in love stories, people always seem to fall for each other during a dramatic rainstorm? Meanwhile, in real life, my hair turns into a frizzy disaster, and I slip on the wet pavement while desperately trying to find my umbrella. Romance in the real world is more like a slapstick comedy.
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