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I asked my computer if it could sing. It said, 'Do you want me to Google it?' Always lookin' for an excuse not to perform!
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I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me, and she said, 'Yes, usually when you lookin' for something in the fridge.
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I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug. Now she's lookin' for a divorce lawyer!
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I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already, and I'm lookin' good!
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I asked the librarian if the library had books on paranoia. She whispered, 'They're right behind you.' Always lookin' over my shoulder now!
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