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You ever notice how every kid in school suddenly becomes an expert botanist around St. Patrick's Day? It's all about the shamrocks. My daughter comes home with a drawing and says, "Look, Dad, this is a four-leaf clover. It's lucky!" I'm thinking, "Great, honey. Now, can you explain to me why I can't find a single four-leaf clover in the yard when I'm actually looking for one?" It's like these shamrocks have a secret society, and they're hiding from parents on purpose. They're the ninjas of the plant world.
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St. Patrick's Day means Irish step dancing, right? Now, kids love to imitate that. My son decided he's going to show off his Irish step dancing skills in the living room. I'm trying to watch TV, and suddenly, I've got this tiny Michael Flatley right in front of me. I tell him, "Buddy, that's impressive, but I think the coffee table's had enough." It's like a dance competition broke out in my house, and the furniture is the judge. Next thing you know, I'll be getting a call from the neighbors complaining about the Riverdance rumble upstairs.
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You know, I was thinking about kids on St. Patrick's Day. It's that time of the year when they're all excited about leprechauns and pots of gold. Now, I don't know about you, but I've never actually seen a leprechaun. Kids are convinced they exist, though. My nephew asked me the other day, "Uncle, do leprechauns throw tantrums?" I said, "Well, if they do, it's probably because they can't find their pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. I mean, wouldn't you be upset if you lost your life savings every time you misplaced your car keys?
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Kids love to get into the spirit of St. Patrick's Day by wearing green, right? It's like a competition to see who can wear the most green. My neighbor's kid showed up at my door wearing so much green; I thought he was auditioning for the role of a walking meadow. I asked him, "Kid, are you Irish or just really into broccoli?" And don't get me started on the green food coloring. Suddenly, everything on the dinner table is green. Green mashed potatoes, green meatloaf – it's like the Hulk came over and did the cooking. I just want a normal meal, not a leprechaun's experiment gone wrong.
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