17 Jokes For Jesse

Puns

Updated on: Nov 14 2024

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Jesse told me he's on a whiskey diet. He's lost three days already!
Jesse told me he's reading a book on anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!
Jesse told me he's reading a book on anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!
Jesse decided to become a baker. Now, he's rolling in dough!
Jesse told me he's writing a book on reverse psychology. I don't think he can pull it off!
Why did Jesse bring a ladder to the bar? Because he heard the drinks were on the house!
Jesse started a band called 1023 Megabytes. They haven't got a gig yet!

Jesse's Time Management

Jesse's idea of time management is setting three alarms in the morning. One to wake up, one to contemplate existence, and the third to hit the snooze button. It's like their own personal snooze Olympics.

Jesse's Fashion Sense

Fashion guru Jesse thinks mismatched socks are the latest trend. I told them it's avant-garde. They said, No, it's called 'laundry day chic.' It's all the rage. I didn't have the heart to tell them it's just laziness with a dash of rebellion.

Jesse's Dating Strategy

Jesse's dating life is like a game of chess, but instead of strategizing, they're just hoping the other person makes the first move. Their idea of a romantic gesture is liking someone's Instagram photo from 72 weeks ago. Cupid's more like Cup-idle in Jesse's book.

The Jesse Dilemma

You know, I have this friend, Jesse. Jesse's so indecisive, even Netflix sends them a message saying, Are you still watching... or should we call a therapist?

Jesse's Driving Adventures

I rode shotgun with Jesse the other day. Let me tell you, their GPS is like a fortune teller. Every turn comes with a suspenseful, Recalculating... I felt like I was on a roller coaster of uncertainty. We didn't get lost; we just took the scenic route through existential crisis alley.

Jesse's Social Media Strategy

Jesse told me they're building their personal brand on social media. I checked their profile; it's mostly pictures of food and memes about procrastination. I said, Jesse, what's your brand? They said, I'm the ambassador of relatable content. I think they meant relatable chaos.

Jesse's Gym Routine

Jesse told me they started going to the gym. I asked them how it's going. They said, Well, the hardest part is finding the perfect playlist. I've spent more time curating my workout jams than actually working out. I call it 'beats before bulging.'

Jesse's Tech Troubles

Jesse recently got a new smartphone. They're so technologically challenged that when Siri said, How can I help you? Jesse replied, I need therapy. Siri just responded with, I'm sorry, I can't assist with that.

Jesse's DIY Disasters

Jesse loves do-it-yourself projects. Last week, they tried to assemble a bookshelf from IKEA. Let's just say, the folks at IKEA are probably getting a good laugh from the security footage. Jesse thought a screwdriver was just something you use to tighten up your social life.

Jesse's Cooking Adventures

Jesse recently tried their hand at cooking. Let me tell you, the smoke detectors in their kitchen have seen more action than a fire station on a Saturday night. Gordon Ramsay would take one look at Jesse's cooking and start speaking in tongues.

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