4 Jokes For If It Ain't

Standup-Comedy Bits

Updated on: Aug 31 2024

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You know how they say, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it"? Well, clearly, they've never been to my family reunion. If everything was fine, it'd be the most awkward gathering in history. No drama, no wild stories, just everyone sitting around complimenting each other's potato salad.
At our family reunions, if it ain't broke, it's because Uncle Bob hasn't shown up yet. He's like the walking chaos theory in a Hawaiian shirt. Last year, he decided to fix the monotony by bringing a petting zoo. In the middle of the city. Let me tell you, city officials were not thrilled with the impromptu llama parade.
So, I've learned that if it ain't broke at the family reunion, it's just waiting for Uncle Bob to make his grand entrance.
New Year's resolutions, am I right? People always say, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it," but on January 1st, suddenly everything's broken. We're all out here making resolutions like, "This year, I'll go to the gym every day," and "I'll finally learn to play the ukulele."
But you know what they say about resolutions, right? "If it ain't broke, it's just January 2nd." That's when you find me, sitting on the couch, eating a family-sized bag of chips, surrounded by untouched gym equipment and a dusty ukulele.
So, if it ain't broke on New Year's Day, just wait until I get my hands on it. The year is young, and so is my determination to break every resolution.
You know, they say, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." Well, let me tell you, my life is like that one item in the house that's perpetually on the verge of breaking, and no one's quite sure how it's still holding together. It's like the duct tape of existence, just barely keeping everything from falling apart.
I tried applying this philosophy to my relationships once. I thought, "Hey, if it ain't broke, why bother with all that relationship maintenance stuff?" Turns out, relationships are a lot like smartphones. They might seem fine until you drop them, and suddenly, you're dealing with a shattered screen and a broken heart.
So now, when people tell me, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it," I reply, "Have you seen my life? If it ain't broke, it's just taking a coffee break before the next catastrophe.
You ever notice how people always say, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it," as if everything in life is as straightforward as assembling IKEA furniture? I tried applying this logic to my car once. "It's running fine," I thought. "No need for a mechanic." Well, turns out my car had its own ideas about breaking down in the middle of nowhere, just to prove a point.
It's like life is playing a game of hide and seek with the broken stuff. "If it ain't broke, you haven't looked hard enough," life whispers, as you discover that leaky faucet, that flickering light, and the mysterious noise your fridge makes at 3 AM.
So now, I've embraced a new mantra: "If it ain't broke, you're just not paying attention.

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Nov 22 2024

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