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I had a dream... that my alarm clock filed for harassment because I hit the snooze button one too many times. It claimed I was causing emotional distress every morning. I said, 'Well, at least someone's paying attention to my feelings!'
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I had a dream... that my cat started a therapy group for pets with weird owners. Apparently, my habit of singing '80s power ballads to my goldfish during water changes is a cause for concern in the animal kingdom.
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I had a dream... that my toaster became a motivational speaker. It would pop up, give a quick speech about turning adversity into golden brown success, and then promptly burn my breakfast. Inspirational and slightly overcooked, just the way I like it!
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I had a dream... that my GPS got fed up with my wrong turns and started giving me sarcastic directions. 'In 500 feet, make a U-turn, unless you want to explore the fascinating world of dead ends.' Well, excuse me, Mr. Judgmental Satellite!
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I had a dream... that my Wi-Fi went to therapy because it felt neglected. It told the therapist, 'They're always streaming, never appreciating my bandwidth.' I apologized and promised to spend more quality time buffering... I mean, bonding.
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I had a dream... that my refrigerator and microwave teamed up for a comedy tour. They called it 'Appliance Stand-Up.' The fridge did a great bit about freezer burn, and the microwave's punchline was always 'Hot enough for you?'
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I had a dream... that I invented a self-cleaning house. Turns out, the dream was just a fantasy. Now, my Roomba is giving me the silent treatment for false advertising, and my vacuum cleaner is considering legal action.
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I had a dream... that I was a professional nap-taker. I had sponsors, a jersey with my nap stats on it, and a signature move called the 'Blanket Burrito.' My mom would finally be proud of my achievements!
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I had a dream... that my bed broke up with me for snoring too loudly. It left a note saying, 'It's not you, it's your decibel level.' Now, I'm in a complicated relationship with my couch, and it's giving me the cold shoulder cushions.
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