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Can we talk about autocorrect? It's like having a sassy friend who thinks they know what you're trying to say better than you do. I typed "I'll be there in a sec," and it autocorrected to "I'll be there in a sack." Great, now I sound like a kidnapper. And why does autocorrect always change "weekend" to "weakened"? No, autocorrect, I don't have plans to spend the next two days emotionally drained and physically exhausted. I just want a relaxing weekend, not a weakened.
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Spellcheck is supposed to be our safety net, right? But sometimes it feels more like a trapdoor. I wrote a heartfelt message, and spellcheck was like, "Did you mean 'ducking love you'?" No, I didn't mean "ducking" love you. What does that even mean? Are we in a pond? And don't you love it when spellcheck suggests words that sound like what you're trying to say but mean something completely different? I was writing about my amazing vacation, and it suggested "stationary." Yes, spellcheck, my vacation was so thrilling that it was practically motionless.
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You ever notice how spelling is like a secret code we all pretend to have mastered? I mean, seriously, how do you spell "onomatopoeia"? It's like they threw a Scrabble board down the stairs and whatever landed face up became the official spelling. And don't get me started on the silent letters. Why are they even there? "Knife" with a silent 'k'? What's next, "Laser" with a silent 'z'? "Oh, it's pronounced 'Lay-ser.' You didn't know? It's silent."
I tried to spell "necessary" the other day, and I felt like I was participating in an extreme sport. N-E-C-E-S-S-A-R-Y. It's like a spelling bee turned into a marathon, and the finish line is a dictionary.
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You ever try to spell something using the phonetic alphabet? It's like playing a game of charades with the alphabet. "Bravo, Echo, Lima, Lima, Oscar, Whiskey." I feel like a secret agent just ordering a latte. And why do they use words like "Foxtrot" and "Tango"? Are we spelling things or planning a covert mission? "Yeah, I need to spell my last name for you. It's Sierra, Hotel, India, Echo, Romeo, Sierra." Suddenly, I'm the protagonist in a spy novel.
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