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How did the cannabis plant express its gratitude during the high holidays? It sent 'weedings' cards! 🌿
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How did the cannabis plant decorate for the high holidays? It put up joint stockings and hung 'budding' lights! 🌲
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What's a stoner's favorite dessert during the high holidays? 'Pot' brownies, of course! 🍫
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What do you call a gathering of cannabis enthusiasts during the high holidays? A 'potluck' party! 🎉
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What do you call a cannabis enthusiast who becomes a chef during the high holidays? A potluck master! 🍲
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Why did the cannabis plant apply for a job during the high holidays? It wanted to get a little higher in its career! 🌿
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Why did the joint start a band during the high holidays? It wanted to play some 'high notes'! 🎶
The Jewish GPS Dilemma
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You ever try following directions in a synagogue during the high holidays? It's like navigating a maze designed by M.C. Escher. I took a wrong turn last year, and suddenly I was in the rabbi's office discussing my life choices. I just wanted to find the bathroom!
Dreidel Drama
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You know it's the high holidays when your grandma pulls out the dreidel and suddenly becomes the LeBron James of spinning tops. I tried to challenge her once, and she said, Sweetie, I've been spinning these since before you knew what carbs were.
Synagogue or Snore-agogue?
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You ever notice how synagogue services during the high holidays are longer than a Lord of the Rings marathon? I mean, by the time we finish, Frodo would've already destroyed the ring, and I'm just sitting there thinking, Can we wrap this up? My bladder is about to part ways with me.
Matzo: The Original Cardboard
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Matzo – the bread of affliction. They say it's unleavened, but I think it's just a prototype for the first-ever Jewish trampoline. I ate so much matzo last year; I'm pretty sure I could've used it to patch a hole in my wall.
Kosher Conundrums
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Trying to keep kosher during the high holidays is like trying to breakdance on bubble wrap – challenging and slightly noisy. I asked my friend if his dish was kosher, and he said, Of course, it's so kosher even the salt is circumcised! I didn't know salt could have a bris, but you learn something new every holiday season.
Yom Kippur: The Hunger Games
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Yom Kippur is like the Hunger Games for adults. We fast for 25 hours, and by the time the sun sets, we're ready to eat anything in sight. I walked into the break-fast feast like I just survived a zombie apocalypse. Pass the bagels and cream cheese before someone gets hurt!
High Holidays or High Calorie Days?
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During the high holidays, every Jewish grandma suddenly becomes a culinary wizard. It's like they unlock the secret to turning gefilte fish into a delicacy. I asked my grandma for the recipe, and she said, Oh, honey, it's simple – just add love and three sticks of butter. That's the secret ingredient!
High Holidays, Low Spirits
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You know, they call them the high holidays, but I swear, after all that family time, my spirits are feeling lower than my grandma's matzo balls. I mean, I love my relatives, but spending eight days with them is like being trapped in a room with a bag of dry matzo – it's just a little too much to swallow.
Shofar, So Good?
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The shofar is that ancient horn they blow during the holidays. I swear, it's the original vuvuzela of the Middle East. One blast from that thing, and half the congregation is trying to figure out if they accidentally walked into a Middle Eastern soccer match.
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