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Why did Hernandez become a chef? Because he wanted to 'spice' up his life!
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Why did Hernandez become a locksmith? Because he wanted to 'unlock' new opportunities!
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Why did Hernandez bring a ladder to the bar? Because he heard the drinks were on the house!
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Why did Hernandez bring a pencil to the interview? To draw his own conclusions!
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Why did Hernandez take a fishing rod to the restaurant? He heard they had a great catch of the day!
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Why did Hernandez bring a map to the party? Because he wanted to show everyone the 'Hernan-way' to have a good time!
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Why did Hernandez bring a backpack to the bakery? He wanted to take the loaf off!
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Ever notice how Hernandez is always the last one to leave a party? He's like a human Roomba, cleaning up all the leftover snacks and gossip.
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I asked Hernandez if he believes in ghosts. He said, 'No, but I have a haunting suspicion that my WiFi is being haunted by the spirit of dial-up.'
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Hernandez is so organized; he alphabetizes his spice rack. I asked him, 'Dude, do you really need to know if the cumin comes before the coriander in the great spice hierarchy?'
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I asked Hernandez if he believes in love at first sight. He said, 'No, but I've experienced bill shock at first sight – like when you see the restaurant prices before ordering.'
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Hernandez tried his hand at stand-up comedy once. The audience thought it was a séance, and they were waiting for the punchline from the other side.
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Hernandez thinks he's a trendsetter. He walked into the office wearing a cape and said, 'Super Casual Friday, everyone!' Now we all just call him 'Captain Casualty.'
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I met a guy named Hernandez who said he had a sixth sense. Turns out, it's just his 'Spidey sense' tingling every time he walks into a room and can't find his keys.
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I told Hernandez I was on a seafood diet – I see food and I eat it. He said he's on a 'Hernandez' diet – he sees a buffet and sues it for emotional distress.
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Hernandez tried to impress us with his bilingual skills. He said, 'I speak two languages: English and Lawsuit.' No wonder he's fluent in 'objection,' 'overruled,' and 'your honor, I object to this potluck selection!'
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