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Have you ever added your grandparents on social media? It's like inviting them to a party where they don't know anyone, and they're just wandering around, commenting on every post like they're leaving breadcrumbs for Hansel and Gretel. My grandma discovered Facebook and now thinks she's a detective. She commented on a picture of my friend and me saying, "Who's the handsome fella?" I replied, "That's my friend, Grandma." She shot back, "Is he single?" Grandma, this is not eHarmony, it's Facebook.
And then there's grandpa with his infinite wisdom on Twitter. He tweeted, "Back in my day, we had to walk 10 miles uphill both ways to tweet this." I'm just glad he figured out how to use the character limit.
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You ever notice how grandparents and technology are like oil and water? My grandma treats her smartphone like it's a mystical artifact. I handed it to her once, and she looked at it like I just handed her the One Ring from Lord of the Rings. She said, "What do I do with this, honey? Summon elves?" I tried to teach her how to text, and it was like explaining quantum physics to a potato. She types with one finger at the speed of erosion. I asked her if she knew what emojis were, and she said, "Is that some newfangled hieroglyphics? In my day, we just wrote letters with words."
And don't even get me started on autocorrect. My grandpa sent me a text saying, "I'll be there in a grapefruit." I think he meant minute, but who knows? Maybe he's just really into citrus scheduling.
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Grandparents and fashion have a unique relationship. My grandma has this fashion sense that's a mix between runway chic and grandma's attic. She walks in wearing a leopard print jumpsuit, and I'm like, "Are you here to slay or to scare the neighbors?" And grandpa, oh boy. He's still rocking the high-waisted pants like they never went out of style. I told him they make him look like he's expecting a flood. He said, "Well, you never know when it might rain."
I asked my grandma about their fashion choices, and she said, "We're vintage." Vintage? I didn't realize "vintage" was a nice way of saying, "We refuse to let go of the past.
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Grandparents are the kings and queens of giving out embarrassing nicknames. My grandpa insists on calling me "Sport." I don't know why. I've never been athletic in my life. Maybe he's confusing me with someone else, like an imaginary friend he had in the '50s. And don't get me started on the pet names. My grandma calls me "Pumpkin." Pumpkin? I'm a grown adult, not a decorative gourd. I asked her why, and she said, "Because you're sweet and round." I didn't know whether to be flattered or start a diet.
But you know what, despite the embarrassing nicknames and the tech struggles, I wouldn't trade my grandparents for anything. They may be a little old-fashioned, but they're my link to the past, even if that link comes with a side of awkward nicknames and fashion faux pas.
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