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Goalies have the weirdest celebrations. Everyone else is high-fiving, chest-bumping, and doing victory dances, and what does the goalie do? They raise their arms and look like they just won the lottery. I mean, you made a save, not a financial investment! And have you noticed how they always pat their goalposts? It's like a goalie ritual. Maybe they believe in goalpost gnomes that bring good luck. "Oh, thank you, Mr. Goalpost Gnome, for helping me stop that shot!" I want to see a goalie celebrate by doing a cartwheel or breakdancing. Spice it up, you know?
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Being a goalie is the loneliest job in sports. I mean, everyone else is out there skating around, passing the puck, and scoring goals, and what are you doing? Standing there, waiting for someone to shoot at you. It's like being the last kid picked for the team every time. And let's talk about the penalty shots. It's just you against the opposing player. No defense, no teammates to help you out. It's basically a one-on-one date with humiliation, and the puck is the awkward conversation topic that just won't go away.
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Have you seen goalie masks lately? They're like wearable nightmares. I mean, goalies are basically walking around with horror movie posters on their faces. Jason from Friday the 13th would be proud. I bet goalies have the best Halloween costumes because they're used to scaring the living daylights out of people. And what's with the painted designs? Some goalies have dragons, others have sharks. It's like they're trying to distract the opposing team with a mobile art gallery on their face. Maybe that's the secret strategy—confuse them with abstract art while making saves.
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You ever notice how being a goalie is like having a relationship? I mean, think about it. You're there, trying to defend the goal, give your best effort, and what do you get in return? Pucks flying at your face! It's like, can't we just talk about our feelings instead of slap shots? And the equipment they wear, it's like they're preparing for a medieval battle. I half-expect them to pull out a shield and sword instead of a glove and blocker. I bet the first goalie was just a knight who got tired of jousting and thought, "You know what? I'll just block shots with my body instead.
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