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You ever try to plan a trip using a globe? It's like playing a game of spin-the-bottle with your next vacation spot. "Alright, Italy, I guess we're having pasta for dinner!" And then you start looking for the tiny countries that get lost between the big ones. "Where the heck is Liechtenstein? Did it go on vacation from the globe too?" I swear, globes are like treasure maps for the geographically challenged. "X marks the spot, but only if you can find X on this spinning blue ball." And don't even think about using it to impress someone with your travel knowledge. "I've been to all the places my finger has touched on this globe." Oh, so you've been to the middle of the Pacific Ocean? Fancy!
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I've been thinking about globes, and I've come to the conclusion that they're hiding something from us. I mean, who decided what goes on a globe? Have you ever seen a flat-earther's globe? Spoiler alert: it's just a Frisbee. But what if there are secret places they don't want us to know about? Like a hidden island where all the missing socks from the laundry end up. And you know when you spin a globe fast, it starts wobbling like it's about to reveal a secret message? I'm convinced there's a hidden message in Morse code. Maybe it's telling us the real recipe for Coca-Cola, or the location of Bigfoot. We just need to decode the Earth's twerk.
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You know, in this age of technology, where we have GPS and Google Maps, globes are starting to feel a bit outdated. It's like keeping a VHS player when you have Netflix. "Oh, look at me, I'm a globe, I don't need updates!" Yes, you do! Australia has probably moved a few inches since you were made. And who decided to put lights in globes? Are they trying to turn it into a disco ball for nerds? "Let's make geography class a party!" I can imagine students trying to dance to the rhythm of longitude and latitude. "Do the equator shuffle!
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You guys ever notice how globes are just the Earth showing off its ego? I mean, come on! "Look at me, I'm round and majestic!" It's like the Earth is saying, "I don't need no flat maps; I'm a 3D diva!" But you know what's even more annoying? Trying to spin those things. I feel like I'm auditioning for a DJ job every time I give it a little twist. "And now, spinning the Earth on the ones and twos!" And don't even get me started on the accuracy of those globes. I had a globe once that made Greenland look like it could challenge Africa in a size competition. Seriously, it's like cartographers have a secret agenda. "Let's mess with their geography knowledge and see if anyone notices." Spoiler alert: we do!
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