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The Gladiator's Fashion Designer
Trying to keep up with the latest trends in gladiator wear
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One gladiator insisted on having a cape. A CAPE! I said, "Are you trying to look majestic or get yourself killed?" He goes, "Both." I guess he wanted to die in style.
The Gladiator's Dating Coach
Balancing love life with a career that involves a high risk of mortality
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Another guy wanted to impress a lady by bringing her to the Colosseum. I said, "Sure, just make sure it's on a day when there's no bloodshed. Nothing kills the mood like a severed head rolling past your dinner table.
The Gladiator's Barber
Trying to give a clean shave when someone's life is on the line
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Another gladiator asked for a beard trim. I told him, "Sure, but keep in mind, if you lose this fight, at least you'll have a career as a stand-in for Spartacus in the afterlife.
The Gladiator's Personal Trainer
The struggle of making workouts in the Colosseum fun
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We're doing lunges, and he goes, "Is this going to help me fight off lions?" I'm like, "Maybe not, but it will definitely help you impress the lionesses.
The Gladiator's Speech Coach
Teaching gladiators to deliver a killer line before delivering a killer blow
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Another gladiator insisted on saying, "I'll be back" before every fight. I'm like, "Wrong era, buddy. That's a couple of thousand years ahead. Stick to something like, 'Prepare to meet your maker.'
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