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Why did the gentile refuse to play cards? He didn't want to deal with the shuffle of life!
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What did the gentile say when he accidentally stepped on my foot? He offered a soulful 'sole' apology!
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What do you call a gentile who loves photography? A snap-judgment expert!
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I told my gentile friend a joke about construction. He didn't find it concrete enough!
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I told a gentile friend a joke about time travel. He said, 'I'll let you know yesterday if I find it funny tomorrow!
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What did the gentile say when he found out he was a distant relative of a famous artist? 'I guess creativity runs in my genes!
The Gentile's Guide to Surviving a Jewish Mother
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You know, being a gentile in a predominantly Jewish neighborhood is like being the only one without a smartphone at a tech conference. You stick out like a sore thumb, and suddenly everyone's trying to upgrade you!
When a Gentile Tries to Follow Passover Rules
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I tried observing Passover once. It felt like being on a crash diet, except instead of losing weight, I lost the ability to eat anything enjoyable. No leavened bread, no grains, no fun. It's like the ultimate challenge in self-control, or as I call it, Gentile Hunger Games!
When a Gentile Attempts to Haggle
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I tried haggling once at a market. I approached the vendor confidently and said, I'm a pro at this! The guy looked at me and chuckled, Oh honey, that discount you're asking for? That's for the pros, not the gentiles!
Gentile's Guide to Matzah Madness
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Ever seen a gentile try matzah for the first time? It's like watching someone eat a cracker while experiencing an existential crisis. Is this food or cardboard? And why is everyone else pretending to enjoy it?
The Gentile's Guide to Jewish Weddings
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Attending a Jewish wedding as a gentile is an eye-opener. Suddenly, I'm dancing the hora, lifting chairs, and thinking, This is the best workout disguised as a celebration! No wonder everyone's in such good shape!
Gentile's Introduction to Jewish Guilt
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I experienced Jewish guilt for the first time, and let me tell you, it's like emotional judo! Suddenly, I found myself apologizing for things I didn't even do, just to fit in. I'm sorry for the rainy weather! But you're not in control of that! I know, I just felt like I should say it!
When a Gentile Tries to Blend In at a Bar Mitzvah
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I attended a bar mitzvah once, and let me tell you, being the only gentile there was like being the only one without a secret handshake in a secret club. I tried to blend in by nodding my head to the music, but it just looked like I was agreeing with everything the DJ said!
Gentile's Attempt at Yiddish Slang
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I tried using Yiddish slang to fit in once. I told someone they were a real mensch. They looked at me like I'd just called them a misunderstood mollusk. Lesson learned: I'll stick to words I understand from now on!
Gentile's Attempt at a Jewish Accent
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I attempted a Jewish accent once, and my friend said, Please stop. You sound like an overenthusiastic tourist trying to order falafel in a Mexican restaurant!
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