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I went to a coffee shop the other day, and the barista asked, "Do you want your coffee flavored?" Flavored coffee? What happened to just adding cream and sugar? Now, I have to choose between hazelnut, vanilla, caramel, and unicorn spice. I just want my coffee to taste like coffee, not a dessert menu! And why is it that everything labeled "flavored" costs more? I bought a plain bagel and a flavored bagel, and the cashier charged me extra for the flavored one. I'm thinking, did the bagel go to culinary school to learn how to be flavored? Is it wearing a tiny chef's hat in the back? I don't get it!
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You ever read the ingredients list on those flavored snacks? It's like decoding the Da Vinci Code. "Artificial flavors." What does that even mean? Are they employing some mad scientist who sits in a lab and says, "Let's add a pinch of unicorn tears and a dash of leprechaun laughter to make it taste like raspberry"? And what's the deal with "natural flavors"? Is there a team of flavor hunters scouring the Amazon rainforest, thinking, "Hmm, this rare orchid will be perfect for our new cola flavor"? I'm just waiting for the day they announce a soda with the essence of Bigfoot. "Try our new Sasquatch Sarsaparilla — it's legendary!
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Flavors have memories, you know? You taste something, and suddenly you're transported back in time. I tried a grape-flavored candy the other day, and it took me straight back to childhood. But then reality hits, and I realize I'm a grown adult standing in the candy aisle, nostalgic over gummy bears. And don't even get me started on the emotional rollercoaster of a bad-flavored experience. You take a sip of something, and it's so terrible that you remember it for life. It's like a traumatic event. "Oh, you want to forget that embarrassing moment from high school? Here, have a sip of this root beer-flavored disaster. You'll remember it forever!
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You ever notice how everything's got to be "flavored" these days? I mean, what happened to the good old days when water just tasted like... water? Now, you walk into a store, and it's like a war zone of flavors. There's berry blast, tropical explosion, and cosmic melon madness. I just want water, not a trip to Willy Wonka's water factory! And don't get me started on the confusion. I asked for a water, and the guy hands me a bottle with a label that says "Arctic Cherry Avalanche." I'm thinking, is this water or the latest energy drink from the North Pole? I just want a basic drink, not a taste adventure!
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