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They say the eyes are the first thing people notice about you. Well, if that's the case, I've got to start practicing my eye expressions in the mirror. "Hello, potential new friend. Please ignore the fact that my eyes are currently attempting to cross.
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People with green eyes are said to be mysterious. I don't know about mysterious, but they've definitely mastered the art of making everyone ask, "Are you wearing colored contacts?" every time they meet someone new.
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You ever notice how people always say, "Eyes are the windows to the soul"? Well, my eyes must be those old, outdated windows that get stuck halfway open. "Come on, soul, let some fresh air in!
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They say the eyes age gracefully. I'm just here hoping my eyes age like fine wine and not like that leftover pizza in the back of the fridge. "Oh, those crow's feet? Just a testament to the laughter lines from all the hilarious jokes life threw at me.
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You ever notice how some people have those piercing blue eyes that seem to see through your soul? Meanwhile, my eyes are more like, "Hey, is that a snack over there? Oh, never mind, it's just a lamp.
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I've got hazel eyes, which apparently means I'm adaptable. Well, if adapting means seamlessly transitioning from wanting a salad to craving a cheeseburger within five minutes, then yeah, call me Mr. Adaptability.
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Ever try maintaining eye contact during a conversation? It's like a high-stakes staring contest. You're just there, trying not to blink, thinking, "If blinking were an Olympic sport, I'd have a gold medal by now.
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I tried to change my eye color once with those colored contact lenses. Ended up looking like an alien trying to fit in on Earth. People were like, "Is it Halloween already?" No, it's just me attempting a dramatic Tuesday.
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You ever get that feeling someone is staring at you, so you lock eyes with a random stranger across the room? Turns out, they were just trying to figure out if you were the one who accidentally bumped into them in the grocery store last week. Awkward eye contact, the universal language of, "Was that you?
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