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Equestrian events are fascinating. I watched a dressage competition once. It's basically a horse ballet. I can't even get my dog to sit on command, and these folks have horses doing pirouettes.
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Horses are the only animals that let you know they're judging you. You walk by, and they give you that side-eye like, "Really? That's the outfit you chose?
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The equestrian world has a whole language of its own. Canter, gallop, trot – it's like a secret code. I tried using it at a regular gym, and people just stared at me like I was having a stroke.
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Horse riding is the only activity where falling off is considered a normal part of the learning process. If you fall off a bike, they put you in a helmet; if you fall off a horse, they say, "Get back on, you'll be fine!
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You ever notice how equestrians are like the original influencers? I mean, instead of Instagram, they were just posting up on their high horses, literally, centuries ago. #Trendsetters
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I tried horse whispering once, but the horse just looked at me like, "Dude, I can hear you just fine. I'm not deaf – I'm just not interested in your life problems.
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Equestrians have these majestic names for their horses like Moonbeam or Stardust. Meanwhile, my dog responds to "Buddy" half the time, and the other half he just ignores me.
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Equestrians have this special bond with their horses. Meanwhile, I'm over here trying to convince my cat not to knock my stuff off the counter.
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I envy equestrians because they always seem so calm and composed. If I had a horse, it would probably sense my anxiety and just take off running, leaving me clinging to its mane for dear life.
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