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If you really want to experience chaos, come to Edinburgh during the Fringe Festival. It's like Woodstock, but with more bagpipes and fewer flower crowns. Every street corner has someone trying to hand you a flyer for a one-man show about the existential crisis of a gluten-free vegan vampire. And the venues! I went to a comedy show in what looked like a medieval dungeon. I half expected the comedian to start juggling flaming torches or challenge an audience member to a sword fight. The only heckle that night was, "Could you speak up? The dungeon echoes!
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You ever been to Edinburgh? It's like the city is playing hide and seek with itself. You think you're walking down the street, and suddenly there's a hidden staircase leading to who knows where. I swear, I found Narnia the other day, or maybe it was just a really well-disguised pub. And the weather! Edinburgh has this magical ability to have all four seasons in one day. You leave your hotel in the morning thinking you're prepared for a sunny day, and by lunchtime, you're in a monsoon. I started carrying an umbrella, sunscreen, a snow jacket, and a fan – you know, just to be safe.
But the best part about Edinburgh is the Scottish accent. It's like trying to decipher an ancient code. I asked a local for directions, and I'm pretty sure he told me to turn left at the haggis shop and do the Highland Fling at the roundabout. I just nodded and hoped for the best.
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Edinburgh is also famous for its haunted places. I went on a ghost tour, and let me tell you, the only thing scarier than the ghosts was the tour guide's enthusiasm. This guy made Casper look like a slacker. We were in a graveyard, and he was like, "Here lies Old MacGregor, he haunts this place every night, but don't worry, he's a friendly ghost. Just don't mention kilts or bagpipes." And then there are the tourists. Edinburgh has more tourists than a selfie stick convention. I saw a guy taking a picture of his lunch. Not a fancy meal, just a sandwich. I think it was a #SadDeskLunch post. I wanted to tell him, "Mate, it's not Instagram-worthy unless the sandwich is wearing a kilt.
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Edinburgh has some interesting pub names. I walked past one called "The Jolly Taxidermist." I'm not sure if that's where you go to have a pint with your stuffed animals or if they just serve really happy taxidermists. And then there's "The Thistle and Bee." I have no idea what a thistle has to do with a bee, but I imagine it's the only pub where you can order a pint of honey with a side of prickles.
But my favorite has to be "The Wee Dram." It sounds like a support group for short actors or maybe a place where you go when you realize you've shrunk your favorite sweater. "I need a wee dram after that laundry disaster."
Edinburgh, you're a confusing, surprising, haunted, and downright hilarious city. Cheers to you and your quirky charm!
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