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Joke Types
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Why did the pencil enlist in the army draft? It wanted to be a drawing expert!
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I applied for the soccer draft, but they told me it was a team sport, not a laundry day plan!
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I applied for the photography draft, but they said I couldn't focus enough!
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I joined the chocolate cake draft. Now I'm on the road to becoming a layer!
Social Media Silliness
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Social media is like a refrigerator. You keep checking it every five minutes, even though you know nothing new is happening. And just like my refrigerator, sometimes it's full of stuff I don't really need, but I can't resist taking a peek.
Shopping Shenanigans
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I went to buy a new pair of shoes, and the salesperson asked, Are you looking for something casual or formal? I said, I'm looking for something that makes it look like I have my life together. Turns out, they don't sell shoes that powerful.
Traffic Tales
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Traffic in this city is so slow that I saw a snail pass me on the freeway. I was sitting there, stuck in my car, and this snail just casually glides by with his smug little shell. I thought, Well, at least someone's making progress around here!
Cooking Chronicles
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I tried making a gourmet meal the other day, and the recipe said, Let it simmer for 30 minutes, stirring occasionally. So, I set a timer, stirred occasionally, and eventually realized the timer was for my patience. I think I created a new dish: Impatience Stew.
DIY Dilemmas
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I tried fixing a leaky faucet with a YouTube tutorial. The guy in the video made it look easy, but in my version, water was spraying everywhere, and I ended up doing an accidental interpretative dance with a wrench. I call it Plumbing Ballet.
Fitness Funnies
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I tried this new workout routine called running late. It involves sprinting around the house, searching for your keys, and doing high-intensity panic attacks. It's the only exercise where you break a sweat before leaving the house.
Dating Woes
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You ever notice how dating is a lot like trying to assemble IKEA furniture? At first, it seems exciting, but halfway through, you're left wondering if you missed a step, and suddenly there's a screw loose. And don't get me started on the Allen wrenches; in relationships, they're called in-laws.
Pet Problems
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My dog thinks he's a therapist. Every time I talk to him, he just stares at me, and I can almost hear him saying, Tell me more about your childhood trauma. It's nice to have someone to talk to, even if he can't offer any solutions.
Coffee Comedy
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I tried one of those fancy coffee places where they ask if you want a venti, grande, or tall. I just want a coffee, not a geometry lesson. I told the barista, Give me the 'I haven't had my caffeine yet' size.
Tech Troubles
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You know you're an adult when you get excited about a new sponge for the kitchen. I remember the days when I got excited about the latest gadget or tech innovation. Now, it's all about that anti-scratch, heavy-duty sponge. It's the little things that scrub away the excitement.
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