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Let's talk about pens. They have a mysterious ability to vanish into thin air, leaving you with a collection of lids wondering where all the bodies went. It's like there's a pen afterlife that we're not privy to.
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Why is it that we trust a shampoo bottle to not spill in our luggage during a flight, but as soon as we open it at home, it decides to turn our bathroom into a slippery disaster zone? It's like, "Oh, you wanted clean hair? How about a soapy dance party, too!
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The cruddiest part of waking up early has to be the coffee maker's "drip" sound. It's not the serene pitter-patter of rain on a tin roof; it's more like a slow and deliberate reminder that you're about to face the day. Drip, drip, dread.
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Why is it that the faster you need to be somewhere, the slower the elevator seems to move? It's like they have a sensor that detects urgency and goes, "Oh, you're in a rush? Let me make this ride as cruddy as possible for you.
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You know it's a cruddy day when your phone battery dies, and you're forced to have a face-to-face conversation with someone. It's like, "Well, look at that, a real-life human interaction. How inconvenient." Thank you, technology, for sparing me the horror of small talk.
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Have you ever noticed that the self-checkout at the grocery store has a distinct personality? It's like a judgmental robot silently mocking your inability to scan a barcode. "Item not recognized," it says, as if my choice of snacks is a secret society handshake.
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Have you ever noticed that the "easy-open" tab on food packaging is like a challenge from the universe? It's there to test your determination. You think it's going to be a breeze, but suddenly you're wrestling with a bag of chips like it's a championship match.
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You ever notice how the TV remote always works perfectly when you're standing right in front of the TV? But the moment you settle into the perfect spot on the couch, suddenly it's got the range of a snail with a bad knee. Talk about cruddy timing!
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The weather forecast is the only job where you can be consistently wrong, and people still keep coming back for more. "Sunny with a chance of rain," they say. Well, isn't that just a cruddy way to cover all your bases?
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