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Condolences are like the adult version of participation trophies. "Congratulations, you survived another year. Here's a card with flowers and a subtle reminder of your mortality.
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I got a condolences card from my refrigerator. It said, "Sorry for the loss of your diet. Ice cream understands your pain, so why resist?
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Condolences are like GPS for adulthood. "I'm sorry for your loss of direction in life. Take the next right turn towards accepting that your dreams of being an astronaut might not happen.
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Condolences are like the undercover agents of the greeting card world. "I'm sorry for your loss, and by the way, here's a coupon for anti-aging cream. You'll thank me later.
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You know you're an adult when you start getting "condolences" cards instead of birthday cards. It's like, "Happy Birthday, and by the way, sorry for the slow but inevitable decline of your metabolism.
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Got a condolences card from my gym buddy. It read, "Sorry for the loss of your gym motivation. In times of grief, remember: Netflix and chill burns fewer calories.
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I got a sympathy card from a friend the other day. Inside it said, "Sorry for your loss... of hair, metabolism, and the ability to stay up past 10 PM without regret." Thanks, buddy.
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Condolences are like the unsolicited advice of greeting cards. "I'm sorry for your loss, but have you tried kale smoothies and early morning yoga? It worked wonders for me.
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I received a sympathy card from my doctor. Inside it said, "Sorry for the loss of your cholesterol levels. RIP to those carefree days of devouring pizza without consequences.
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