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Ladies and gentlemen, let me tell you about the new neighbor I've got. They planted a cherry tree in their backyard. Now, I thought, "That's nice, a little touch of nature." But then I realized, cherry trees are the divas of the plant world. They demand attention, they want the spotlight. It's like having a Kardashian tree in your backyard. I went over to my neighbor and asked, "What's the deal with the cherry tree?" They looked at me with a straight face and said, "Oh, it's for meditation." Meditation? Really? I didn't know cherries had some Zen master agenda. I can't even find my car keys half the time, and they've got a tree for inner peace. So now, every time I see a cherry, I feel like it's judging my stress levels.
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I decided to try a new form of therapy, you know, to deal with life's challenges. So, I signed up for cherry tree therapy. Apparently, sitting under a cherry tree is supposed to be therapeutic. I thought, "Great, I'll get some life advice from a tree." But all I got was a bunch of leaves falling on my head. I asked the therapist, "What's the secret?" They said, "Just listen to the rustling leaves." I thought, "I've been doing that for years. It's called wind." I even tried talking to the tree, hoping for some wisdom. The only response I got was a cherry falling on my head. I guess the tree was telling me to get a helmet.
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Have you ever noticed how expensive cherries are at the grocery store? I mean, they're like the royalty of fruits. I was in the supermarket the other day, and I saw this tiny bag of cherries priced like it was a rare gem. I felt like I needed to hire a security detail just to buy a handful. I asked the cashier, "Are these cherries organic or something?" She looked at me and said, "No, they're just cherries." I swear, they should have a security guard stationed next to the cherry aisle. It's like they're guarding a national treasure. I imagine someone trying to steal cherries and getting caught. "Sir, put the cherries down! Step away from the fruit!
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You ever notice how cherry-flavored things don't taste anything like actual cherries? I mean, cherry candy, cherry soda—it's like they've never met a real cherry in their life. I feel like there's a conspiracy going on between the cherry tree and the food industry. The tree is sitting in the backyard, laughing at us while we eat cherry-flavored cardboard. I imagine a conversation between the cherry tree and the cherry-flavor creators. The tree says, "Make it taste like me!" And they respond, "Sure thing, buddy. We'll add a hint of cherry and a truckload of sugar." It's the only explanation for why cherry-flavored cough syrup tastes better than actual cherries. The tree is in on it, folks. They're messing with our taste buds.
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