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The Cap Conspiracy Theorist
Believing caps are controlling our thoughts
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I tried going a day without wearing a cap to see if my thoughts would be freer. It was a disaster. I felt exposed, vulnerable. I think my brain cells got sunburned. I'm never risking it again. Caps on, thoughts in check!
The Cap Collector
Trying to explain your cap collection to skeptical friends
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You know you have too many caps when you're in a relationship, and your partner says, "It's either me or the caps." I said, "Well, this cap here is reversible, so technically, I can have both.
The Forgetful Cap Owner
Always losing your favorite cap
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Losing your favorite cap is like losing a friend. I had a memorial service for my last lost cap. Lit a candle and everything. My friends were like, "Dude, it's just a cap." I said, "No, it was my confidant, my shield against bad hair days.
The Cap Hater
When you can't stand people who wear caps indoors
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My friend wears a cap even when he's watching TV at home. I told him, "Dude, your TV is not the sun. You're not blocking harmful rays; you're just blocking my view of your face.
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