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Built for Success?
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My mom always told me I was built for success, but I'm starting to think she meant LEGO success. Because just like LEGO, my life comes with confusing instructions, missing pieces, and there's always that one part that you step on in the middle of the night!
Built-In Forgetfulness
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My brain is like a high-tech computer—built for multitasking, they said. But lately, it's more like a forgetful old man. I went to the kitchen and forgot why, then I went to the bathroom and forgot if I had already been to the kitchen. I guess I'm just built to keep myself guessing!
Built-In GPS (Gag-Inducing Punny Situations)
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I recently got a new car with built-in GPS, but it must have a sense of humor. Every time I ask for directions, it takes me to the most scenic route possible—scenic meaning I get to see the same cow five times and pass by a llama farm. Thanks, GPS, I wanted a trip, not a safari!
Built for DIY Disasters
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I decided to be adventurous and built my own furniture. Let's just say, it's now a modern art installation titled The Asymmetrical Monstrosity. Who knew a bookshelf could be so existential?
Built for Comfort
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They say mattresses are built for comfort, but I think mine is training to be a stand-up comedian. Every night, it makes these squeaky noises that sound like a bad punchline. I'm starting to think it's auditioning for late-night comedy!
Built for Sports
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They say I was built for sports, but the only sport I excel at is extreme couch surfing. The other day, I almost broke a sweat reaching for the remote control. My fitness app congratulated me on my couch to fridge achievement!
Built to Spill
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You ever notice how my dating life is a lot like a construction site? Yeah, apparently, I'm built for love, but it feels more like my relationships are under perpetual construction. I thought I was getting a mansion; turns out, it's more like a fixer-upper!
Built-In Excuses
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I recently bought a new piece of furniture with built-in features. It has a built-in alarm clock that reminds me to stop procrastinating, and a built-in scale that says, You've had enough snacks for today. I guess it's the only thing in my life that's well-built!
Built for Social Media
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I was told I'm built for social media, but the only thing I've mastered is the art of the accidental double-tap. Now, everyone thinks I'm stalking them, but really, I just have clumsy fingers. My digital footprint is more like a tap dance!
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