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Why is it that we press harder on the remote control when we know the batteries are weak? Like, magically, pressing harder will make the signal stronger. Tonight's "technology frustrations" jokes are brought to you by my futile attempts at making the TV listen to me.
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I love how we say "sleep like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours crying. If I sleep like a baby, I'd be fired from my job for showing up late and crying during meetings. So, tonight's "sleeping like a baby" jokes are brought to you by exhausted parents everywhere.
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I bought a gym membership because I wanted to exercise and be healthy. Now it just serves as a guilt-inducing keychain. Tonight's "unused gym memberships" jokes are brought to you by my lack of motivation and love for pizza.
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You know you're an adult when you get excited about a new sponge for the kitchen. I mean, I used to get excited about video games and concerts, now it's all about that scrubbing power. Tonight's kitchen cleanliness jokes are brought to you by the letter "D" for dish soap.
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You ever notice how you never appreciate the beauty of a silent fart until you're at a crowded party? It's like a delicate gift wrapped in embarrassment. And tonight's silent but deadly jokes are brought to you by my digestive system.
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I recently realized that adulthood is just googling how to do things you should already know how to do. I mean, the other day I googled, "How to fold a fitted sheet." Apparently, it's a life skill. So, tonight's "adulting is hard" jokes are brought to you by the internet, helping us avoid embarrassment one search at a time.
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I recently discovered that my phone has more computing power than the entire Apollo 11 mission. And what am I doing with it? Sending memes and looking at cat videos. So, tonight's "wasted technology" jokes are brought to you by the distraction of the 21st century.
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Ever notice how the first slice of bread is like the sacrificial lamb of the loaf? It's always the one nobody wants, and you're left there feeling guilty for not appreciating it. Tonight's "bread struggles" jokes are brought to you by that lone slice in the bag.
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You ever notice how cereal boxes have serving suggestions on them? Like, who needs a suggestion for how to pour cereal into a bowl? It's not a culinary masterpiece; it's breakfast. So, tonight's "captain obvious" jokes are brought to you by those helpful cereal boxes in our kitchens.
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Have you ever been so bored that you start reading the terms and conditions? I did that the other day. Turns out, buried in paragraph 47, there's a clause that says, "By agreeing, you also agree to pretend you've read the entire agreement." So tonight, our "I accept without reading" jokes are brought to you by that little checkbox we all ignore.
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