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I saw a kid throw a tantrum at the park because they couldn't go on the swings immediately. I thought, "If only adult problems were solved by a swing set. 'Sorry, boss, can't make it to the meeting, gotta swing for 15 minutes to clear my mind.'
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I tried explaining the concept of patience to a kid once, and they looked at me like I was speaking an alien language. Patience, to a child, is just a fancy way of saying, "I want it, and I want it now!" Maybe adults could use a refresher course in that too.
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You know you're dealing with a true brat when they refuse to eat anything that's not shaped like a dinosaur or covered in chocolate. I tried serving a brussels sprout once without the fancy disguise – it was like I had presented them with a plate of alien vegetables. Kids, the only creatures who believe broccoli is a deadly weapon.
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You ever notice how kids are like tiny, adorable tornadoes? I mean, they're cute and all, but if you leave them alone for too long, your living room ends up looking like a disaster zone. It's like living with a miniature version of a hurricane. I call them "brat-nadoes.
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Parenting is like being a detective, especially when your child goes silent in the other room. You know they're up to something. I walked in once to find my kid giving a makeover to the family cat. I never knew a cat could pull off a smoky eye so well.
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Kids have this incredible talent for asking questions at the most inconvenient times. "Mom, why is the sky blue?" Not now, sweetie, we're in the middle of a traffic jam, and I'm trying to figure out how to make a left turn without causing a pileup.
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I was at the grocery store the other day, and there was this little brat having a meltdown because their mom wouldn't buy them a candy bar. I thought, "Wow, if only my problems were as simple as deciding between Snickers and Milky Way. I'd be the happiest adult on the planet.
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You ever notice how kids have this magical ability to lose things in plain sight? "Mom, I can't find my toy!" It's right there, right in front of them, but it's like their eyes have a selective blindness filter. If only they could use this skill to find my car keys.
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Ever notice how children can turn a simple game of hide and seek into a theatrical production? "Okay, close your eyes, count to ten, and no peeking!" Meanwhile, they've hidden in the most obvious spot, but they act like they've pulled off the greatest disappearing act in history. Bravo, little Houdini, bravo.
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