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You ever notice how in "Blade Runner," the characters are all brooding and existential? I tried brooding once, but I just ended up looking constipated. Maybe I need a more futuristic brood, like with neon lights and a synthwave soundtrack.
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So, in "Blade Runner," they have this whole thing about questioning reality and what it means to be human. Meanwhile, I question if my leftovers are still good after two days and what it means when Netflix asks, "Are you still watching?" Yes, Netflix, I'm still here, and no, I don't have my life together.
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Have you ever noticed in "Blade Runner" how the characters are always casually strolling through the rain, like it's just a light mist of inspiration falling from the sky? Meanwhile, in my world, if I forget my umbrella, it's like I've just stepped into a surprise water balloon fight, and I'm losing.
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So, in "Blade Runner," they have these advanced replicants that are almost indistinguishable from humans. Meanwhile, my phone's facial recognition can't tell the difference between me and a picture of a cat. Maybe I just need to start wearing more whiskers.
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In "Blade Runner," they have these massive futuristic cities, and I'm here struggling to find my way in a mall. I get lost in the food court like it's a maze, and suddenly I'm the protagonist of my very own food adventure.
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In "Blade Runner," they have flying cars zipping around like it's no big deal. Meanwhile, I can't even parallel park without turning it into a three-act tragedy. I swear, if my car could talk, it would be screaming, "Please, just let me stay on solid ground!
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In "Blade Runner," they have these high-tech weapons, and I'm over here struggling to open a can without splattering half the contents on myself. Maybe I need a replicant butler just to handle my kitchen mishaps.
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You know how in "Blade Runner," they have those giant billboards with virtual models advertising everything? If that were my reality, every ad would just be a rotating slideshow of me trying to assemble IKEA furniture with a confused look on my face.
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Blade Runner" has these cool voice-activated gadgets. Meanwhile, my voice-activated assistant can't understand me when I'm ordering food through a drive-thru. It's like, "No, Siri, I said fries, not flies!
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