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The Bird House Detective
Investigating the mysterious disappearances of birdseed
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I uncovered a conspiracy involving a group of finches. Turns out, they were hoarding all the birdseed, creating a shortage in the neighborhood. I never thought I'd be solving the great birdseed shortage of 2023, but here we are.
The Bird House Architect
Balancing aesthetics and bird functionality
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I thought about adding a little porch to the bird house for a touch of elegance. But then I realized, birds don't sit on porches, they sit on power lines, judging us humans. So, I scrapped that idea.
The Bird House Stand-Up Comedian
Trying to make the toughest crowd laugh
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I did a set for a group of owls. They didn't laugh, but afterwards, one of them said, 'Your comedy is a hoot.' I'll take it as a compliment, even though I think they meant it literally.
The Bird House Therapist
Dealing with bird relationship drama
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I had a robin confess to me that he was afraid of heights. I said, 'But you're a bird! You're supposed to love heights.' He replied, 'Not all of us are built for the high-flying lifestyle, doc.' I never thought I'd be dealing with existential bird crises.
The Bird House Realtor
Trying to sell prime real estate to picky birds
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I tried to upsell a luxury bird house to a robin. It had a Jacuzzi and everything. The robin looked at me and said, 'Do I look like I take baths? I'm a bird, not a spa enthusiast.' Well, excuse me, Mr. High-and-Mighty Robin.
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