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I tried to impress my date once by attempting a belly dance. Let's just say I've never seen someone laugh so hard while simultaneously calling 911 to report a dance emergency.
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I asked a belly dancer for advice on how to improve my dance moves. She told me to imagine I had a string attached to my belly button, pulling me in different directions. Now I just look like a confused marionette trying to order a coffee at Starbucks.
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I saw a belly dancer at a restaurant last night. She was so talented; she managed to make a plate of hummus and pita bread look like a romantic dinner for two. Meanwhile, I struggle not to spill ketchup on myself.
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Belly dancers must have the strongest core muscles in the world. I can barely sit up straight during a Zoom meeting without feeling like I just did a hundred sit-ups.
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Belly dancers must have the best job security. I mean, as long as people love weddings and exotic parties, they'll always have employment. Meanwhile, I'm over here worried about my job because I accidentally hit "reply all" on a work email.
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Have you ever noticed that belly dancers have abs that look like they're hiding a secret message? Like, is there a treasure map in there, or are they just trying to communicate with aliens using Morse code in belly button language?
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I went to a belly dancing class once, thinking it would be a great workout. Turns out, it's more like trying to follow a GPS with a really unpredictable destination. Left hip turn, right hip shimmy – my body was more lost than my sense of direction.
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Have you ever tried explaining what a belly dancer does to your grandparents? "Well, Grandma, it's like a dance, but with more jingling and less chacha-slide. No, Grandpa, you can't wear those hip scarves to bingo night.
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Belly dancers are the only people who can eat a three-course meal and still have room for dessert, all while keeping their hips in a constant state of samba. I can't even eat a taco without doing the awkward food dance.
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