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What do you call cheese that isn't yours at a baseball game? Nacho cheese!
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Why did the baseball team go to the bank? They wanted to get their pitcher changed!
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Why did the baseball player go to art school? He wanted to improve his pitch-er!
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Why did the baseball player bring string to the game? So he could tie the score!
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Why did the baseball coach go to jail? Because he got caught stealing bases!
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I once dated someone who was obsessed with baseball. They said relationships are like baseball games - you need a good pitch, you have to watch out for curveballs, and sometimes, you just want to steal a base. I didn't have the heart to tell them I was more of a soccer fan.
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Baseball is the only sport where stealing is not only allowed but celebrated. Try doing that in a grocery store, and suddenly you're not allowed back.
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I went to a baseball game, and they had a 'hat shuffle' on the big screen. They show three hats, mix them up, and you have to guess which one the ball is under. I lost every time. I can't even keep track of my own hat, let alone a tiny baseball.
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I tried playing baseball once, but the only home run I hit was straight into my neighbor's window. I guess you could say I'm better at breaking things than breaking records.
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I recently went to a baseball game, and they had a 'kiss cam.' It's a great way to find out who forgot they were at a game with their sibling. Nothing says 'awkward' like a forced peck on the cheek when you're just trying to enjoy a hot dog.
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I thought about joining a baseball team, but then I remembered how much running is involved. I can barely run to catch the ice cream truck - imagine trying to make it to second base. I'd need a timeout for a snack break.
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Baseball games are like my relationships - full of excitement at the beginning, but by the seventh inning stretch, I'm just hoping someone will bring me peanuts and distract me from the fact that I have no idea what's going on.
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The seventh-inning stretch is the moment in a baseball game when everyone stands up to stretch. It's also the moment I realized how out of shape I am. I tried to impress everyone with my stretch, but I think I pulled a muscle. The only thing I'm stretching now is my patience.
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They say baseball is a thinking man's game. Well, I must be playing chess, because half the time, I have no idea what move I just made, and everyone around me looks confused.
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