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Award ceremonies are the only time we applaud actors for pretending to be someone else, which is ironic because if I did that in my office, they'd probably call HR.
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Why do they always have to play that dramatic music when they announce the nominees? It's like they're trying to make choosing the best cinematography feel as intense as a car chase in an action movie.
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I went to an award ceremony once, and the only thing I won was a sore back from those uncomfortable chairs. They should give out awards for endurance in seating.
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Award ceremonies are the only place where people practice their "I'm-so-happy-for-you" face in the mirror beforehand. In real life, we're more like, "You got a promotion? Well, good for you, I guess.
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The after-parties at award ceremonies are probably the only place where small talk includes phrases like, "I loved your emotional range in that acceptance speech. Really brought tears to my eyes." Yeah, tears of boredom.
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Have you noticed that award ceremonies are the only place where clapping is not just an applause but a competitive sport? It's like, "I can clap louder than you because I want people to think I care more about this obscure category!
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Award ceremonies make me feel inadequate. I mean, I've never received an award for acting, but I can fake enthusiasm at work like a champ.
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The music that plays when someone's acceptance speech goes on too long is the original "wrap it up" meme. It's like, "Congratulations, but we've got other awards to give, and my pizza's getting cold in the back.
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The red carpet at award ceremonies is like a fashion show for celebrities. It's the only place where someone can ask you, "Who are you wearing?" and it's a normal question. If I tried that at Walmart, people would just look at me funny.
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