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I asked my friend what his average speed was while running. He said 'I don't know, but it's the speed at which I pass by the gym.
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Why don't scientists trust atoms at high speeds? They're worried they'll lose their element of control!
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I'm so good at procrastinating; I can delay things at the speed of light!
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I applied for a job testing the speed of roller coasters. They said I didn't have enough experience, but I told them I'm great at taking things fast!
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Why don't speedsters make good comedians? Because their jokes go too fast for anyone to catch!
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