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Have you ever borrowed a pen from someone and immediately become overly protective of it? And then... you guard that pen like it's the key to the safe containing your most valuable secrets. "No, I can't lend you my pen. It's on loan from the Pen Museum.
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You ever notice how alarms have that snooze button? And then... you wake up an hour later realizing you've mastered the art of self-deception. It's not snoozing; it's time traveling to the next alarm.
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And then... you know you're an adult when your idea of a wild Friday night is rearranging the furniture in your living room. Exciting stuff! It's like my own version of extreme home makeover, but without the cameras and Ty Pennington.
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And then... have you ever been in a situation where you're wearing a backpack, and you forget it's on? You start panicking, patting yourself down like, "Where's my backpack? Oh, it's on my back." Yeah, I'm that person. It's like having a portable forgetfulness accessory.
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Have you ever been stuck in an elevator with strangers, and it gets uncomfortably quiet? And then... you try to break the silence with a forced joke, like, "Well, this is my stop. Just kidding, let's all stay here forever." Awkward laughter ensues.
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And then... grocery shopping becomes a strategic mission. You start calculating which checkout line is the fastest, analyzing the speed of the cashier, and estimating the number of items in other people's carts. It's like you're training for the supermarket Olympics.
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And then... pets have this magical ability to know when you're about to take a nap. The moment you lie down, they become the most energetic beings on the planet. It's like they attended a workshop on "How to Interrupt Human Rest 101.
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You ever notice how people in horror movies always go investigate strange noises? Like, "Hmm, I heard a creepy sound coming from the basement. Let me grab a flashlight and go down there." If that were me, I'd be like, "I heard a noise. And then... I called an exorcist. I'm not taking any chances.
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And then... you realize adulthood is just a series of unimpressive victories, like successfully assembling IKEA furniture. You proudly look at your bookshelf and think, "I am the master of the Allen wrench.
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