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The Fast Food Enthusiast
Dealing with health-conscious parents
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I asked my dad for money to buy lunch at school, and he said, "No, you have to eat what's in the cafeteria. It's balanced and nutritious." So now I'm a connoisseur of mystery meat and mystery vegetables.
The Playground Philosopher
Navigating the complex social dynamics of the playground
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I witnessed a heated debate between two eight-year-olds about who had the better imaginary friend. One said, "Mine has a pet dragon." The other retorted, "Well, mine has a unicorn that poops rainbows. Beat that!" It's like a presidential debate, but with more magical creatures.
The Overachieving Parent
Balancing extracurricular activities
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These parents are so competitive. My friend's son got an award for perfect attendance, and she was like, "That's nice, but my kid hasn't missed a homework assignment since kindergarten. We're aiming for the Nobel Prize in Punctuality.
The Homework Hater
Battling the eternal struggle of homework
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I tried helping my little sister with her homework, and she said, "No, you're doing it wrong. This is the 'new math.' It's like regular math, but with more tears.
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