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You know you're an adult when your idea of a wild Friday night is binge-watching a TV series and considering it a major accomplishment. "Oh yeah, I stayed up till 11:00 PM. Living on the edge, baby!
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Let's talk about social media filters. I used one the other day that promised to make me look like a movie star. Well, apparently, I starred in a low-budget sci-fi film from the '80s because I ended up looking like an alien with a glamorous twist.
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Have you ever noticed how you can remember the lyrics to a song from the '90s but struggle to recall why you walked into a room? It's like my brain's playlist is on shuffle, but my memory is stuck on repeat.
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Why do we press harder on the remote control when we know the batteries are weak? It's like we're sending out telepathic signals, hoping the TV will catch our desperation and just work. Spoiler alert: it never does.
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Have you ever realized that alarm clocks are the only things that get away with yelling at you every morning? I'd love to see someone else try that. Can you imagine your toaster screaming, "Get up, lazy! It's bread time!"?
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Why is it that when we're waiting for someone, time slows down like it's taking a leisurely stroll? But the moment they arrive, it's like time is on fast forward. It's as if the universe has its own sense of irony.
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I find it amusing how the term "sleep like a baby" implies a peaceful night, but anyone who's been around babies knows they wake up every two hours crying. Maybe I'll start saying, "I slept like a cat," curled up on the couch, undisturbed for 18 hours straight.
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Why is it that the one item you need in the grocery store is always strategically placed on the highest shelf? It's like the store is testing your commitment to healthy eating by making you climb Mount Everest for that box of cereal.
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You ever notice how no matter how hard you try, your left and right socks are basically in a committed relationship? I mean, you put them in the drawer as a pair, and somehow, they always end up leading separate lives. It's like they're on a mission to break up before laundry day!
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