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Why do they call it "aerobics"? It sounds like a scientific experiment. Like, are we testing the tensile strength of our leggings or measuring how much sweat the human body can produce in an hour? Spoiler alert: it's a lot.
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Why do they make aerobics outfits so bright and colorful? I'm not trying to be a human highlighter; I just want to survive an hour without collapsing. If sweating was an art form, we'd all be masterpieces.
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I swear, the person who invented jumping jacks must have been part kangaroo. How can something so simple make you question your life choices? I do one set, and suddenly I'm contemplating my existence.
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After an aerobics class, you walk out feeling like you've conquered the world. Then you try to sit down, and your legs rebel against you. It's the only workout where the real challenge begins when you're trying to get off the couch afterward.
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In aerobics, they talk about the "burn" like it's a badge of honor. "Feel the burn!" they say. I'm feeling more of a smolder, like a damp campfire struggling to stay alive. Can I get a "Feel the Mild Discomfort" class instead?
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You know you're out of shape when the person next to you is doing high kicks, and you're just trying to remember where you left your water bottle. It's a workout for the memory, really.
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You ever notice how in aerobics, the instructor is always so enthusiastic, like they've had one too many energy drinks? I'm just there struggling to lift my leg, and they're jumping around like they're auditioning for a Broadway musical. I'm like, "Can we do a slow-motion version for us mere mortals?
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I tried to follow an aerobics video at home once. Let's just say, my cat was more coordinated than I was. At one point, he gave me this judgmental look, like, "Are you sure you're a superior species?
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Have you noticed the music in aerobics classes? It's always this hyper-motivational pop beat that makes you feel like you should be conquering a mountain. Meanwhile, I'm just trying not to trip over my own feet.
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