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You ever notice how our phones have become like our personal therapists? I mean, I spill my guts to Siri more than I do to my actual friends. And the best part? Siri never judges, she just quietly judges your search history.
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Why is it that we all panic when our phone battery drops below 20%? It's like our phones are on life support, and we're desperately trying to find a charger as if our lives depend on it. Spoiler alert: sometimes they do.
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My phone's autocorrect thinks it's a mind reader. I typed "ducking" once, and now every time I swear, it thinks I'm just really enthusiastic about waterfowl. Thanks for keeping it PG, phone, but I'm pretty sure my grandma already knows those words.
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My phone's predictive text is like a fortune teller, but a really bad one. I type "I'll be there in a sec," and it suggests, "I'll be there in a second-hand smoke." Yeah, thanks for the alternative reality, phone. I'll stick to my original message.
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Ever notice how our phones can sense our desperation? You're trying to impress someone, and suddenly autocorrect transforms "smooth" into "smooch." Yeah, thanks, phone. Just what I needed to seal the deal – an unexpected virtual kiss.
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Phones have become our personal detectives. You can solve a crime by checking someone's Google search history. "Your Honor, the defendant searched 'how to get away with murder' 37 times." Yeah, maybe we should all be a bit more cautious with our late-night curiosity.
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Why do we treat our phones like newborn babies? We cradle them, make sure they're warm, and freak out if they fall. If only we were as careful with our actual offspring. "Oops, little Timmy fell, but he'll bounce back, right?
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I love how our phones have facial recognition, but half the time, they can't recognize our own faces. You ever try unlocking your phone right after you wake up? It's like, "Sorry, I don't know this person. Maybe try again after a cup of coffee and some concealer.
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Phones have this magical power to make time disappear. You start scrolling through social media for five minutes, and suddenly it's two hours later, and you've learned everything about a sloth's daily routine. Thanks, phone, for turning me into an unintentional sloth scholar.
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