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And her recipes? They're like ancient scrolls passed down through generations. "To make spaghetti, you must first retrieve the sacred tomatoes guarded by the fridge monster." And don't even get me started on the secret ingredient – it's always something bizarre like "Pixie Dust" or "Elixir of Everlasting Love." I asked her once, "Zelda, why can't we just order takeout?" And she looked at me like I suggested we go on a quest to Mount Doom. "Takeout, thou sayest? Nay, we shall feast upon the spoils of my kitchen conquests!"
It's like a culinary adventure every time, and I'm just hoping I don't have to battle food poisoning as the final boss.
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Ah, a magic artifact! How dost thou summon images from the realm of iCloud?" she exclaimed. I had to explain that it's just a phone, not a mystical relic. And texting? Forget about it. She insists on communicating in riddles, as if predictive text is some sort of enchanted oracle. I swear, her voicemail greeting probably says, "Thou hast reached the voicemail of Zelda. Leave thy message, and I shall respond with haste – or at least before the next blood moon rises."
And don't even get me started on social media. I suggested she join Instagram, and she thought it was a new spell for summoning instant grams of flour. I can't wait for her to discover TikTok – she'll probably think it's a new dance from the Lost Woods.
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I mean, can you imagine going on a date with her? Instead of sweet nothings, she's probably whispering, "It's dangerous to go alone, take this," and handing you a map to navigate through her emotional labyrinth. And just when you think you've won her heart, she disappears, and you have to find her in another castle! It's like dating a real-life Link. You have to conquer dungeons, solve puzzles, and, of course, deal with the occasional enemy that comes in the form of her ex-boyfriend. I swear, if she had a dating profile, it would say, "Looking for someone brave enough to slay dragons and survive my mom's cooking.
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She's there, swinging her imaginary sword, dodging invisible enemies, and yelling, "Hyaah!" I'm just trying to run in peace, and she's turning it into a live-action role-playing session. I half-expected her to challenge the guy on the next treadmill to a duel. And the weightlifting? She approached the dumbbells like they were ancient relics she had to lift to unlock a hidden power. "Behold, the dumbbell of gains!" she declared, much to the confusion of everyone around.
I love her enthusiasm, but I can't help but wonder if her idea of a perfect workout playlist includes the Ocarina of Time soundtrack. "Squat to the beat of the Song of Storms, and you'll unlock the gains of Hyrule!
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