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Imagine having a wooden eye and going through airport security. The TSA agent is like, "Sir, we need to check your eye for hidden contraband." And you're like, "Sure, just be careful, it's an antique.
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I asked my friend with a wooden eye if he ever considered upgrading to a more modern, high-tech eye. He said, "Nah, I like the classic look. Plus, I can always tell when it's going to rain – it swells up a bit.
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You know you're an adult when you start worrying about your wooden eye getting infested with woodpeckers. "Honey, did you leave the window open again? I think I hear a bird trying to nest in my eye socket.
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I asked my wooden-eyed friend if he ever feels out of place. He said, "Nah, I blend in just fine. Especially at picnics – people mistake me for a picnic table, and next thing you know, they're placing their sandwiches on my face!
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I was at a party with my buddy who has a wooden eye, and someone spilled their drink. He just looked at the mess and said, "Well, at least it's not water damage." I guess his eye is termite-resistant too!
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Wooden eyes are the original eco-friendly option. Reduce, reuse, recycle – they've been doing it for centuries. I bet they're the only body part that comes with care instructions like, "Avoid prolonged exposure to direct sunlight and excessive moisture.
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My wooden-eyed friend once told me, "I've always got a spare if I lose one." I asked, "Like a spare tire?" He said, "Yeah, but it won't help you much in case of a flat... unless you're into DIY pirate costumes.
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You ever notice how having a wooden eye is like having a built-in conversation starter? People are always like, "Is it real wood?" And I'm just here thinking, "Well, it's not IKEA particleboard, that's for sure!
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People with wooden eyes must be great at poker. I mean, who needs sunglasses to hide their expressions when you can just swap out your poker face for a poker eye? "Is he bluffing, or is that just a twitch in the grain?
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