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I told myself I shouldn't eat that entire cake. Now I'm the one dealing with layers of regret.
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Why did the pun break up with itself? It just couldn't take its own corniness anymore.
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I used to be a baker, but I couldn't make enough dough. So, I kneaded a new career for myself.
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I asked myself if I was lazy. My reply? I prefer to call it selective participation.
Mirror, Mirror on the Phone
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People spend so much time on their phones, taking pictures and videos. I saw someone taking a selfie while looking in the mirror. I thought, Wow, that's like Inception for narcissists—selfie within a selfie. Are you trying to break the internet or just the space-time continuum?
The Battle of the Bulge
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I've been trying to lose weight, and I joined this gym where everyone is so into themselves. I mean, there's a guy at the gym who spends more time flexing in the mirror than actually lifting weights. I tried to join in once, but my reflection just looked at me and said, Let's not kid ourselves. You're not fooling anyone.
Dress for Success, Mirror for Validation
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Fashion these days is all about self-expression, they say. I bought a new outfit, and when I asked the mirror how I looked, it responded with, You look like you're trying too hard. I thought mirrors were supposed to reflect the truth, not my insecurities!
The Mirror Diet
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I tried this new diet where you eat in front of a mirror to see yourself enjoying the food. Let me tell you, it works. But the mirror also showed me the disappointed look on my face when I stepped on the scale the next morning.
Mirror, Mirror, Off the Wall
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I decided to redecorate my house, and I thought, why not get rid of the mirror? Now, I can eat ice cream at 3 AM without judgment. My reflection may be disappointed, but at least I can enjoy my midnight snacks in peace.
The Self-Love Affair
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You ever notice how people talk about self-love like it's the key to happiness? I tried it, but my reflection in the mirror was like, Listen, I appreciate the sentiment, but I've seen you at 3 AM eating ice cream straight from the tub. Let's not pretend we're in a committed relationship here.
Mirror, Mirror on the Wall
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You know, people are spending so much time taking selfies nowadays. I saw someone trying to take a selfie with a mirror. I mean, come on! The mirror is just sitting there, reflecting back at them like, Are you serious? I've been doing this job for years, and now you want a selfie with me? What's next, autographs?
When in Doubt, Mirror It Out
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They say laughter is the best medicine. I tried laughing in front of the mirror, hoping it would cure my stress. But the mirror just laughed back, and I realized, maybe I should've invested in a therapist instead.
Age Before Beauty
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I'm at that age where my mirror is playing tricks on me. I looked in the mirror and thought, Hey, not bad for my age! Then my mirror, being the wise guy it is, whispered, Age is just a number, but your reflection is the real deal.
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