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You ever notice how Romania is always associated with vampires? I mean, come on, can we give them a break? Every time I tell someone I'm going to Romania, they're like, "Watch out for Dracula!" I'm like, "Really? I was planning on more of a beach vacation, but sure, I'll pack my garlic just in case." And what's with this Dracula obsession? I get it, Bram Stoker wrote a classic, but do we really think he was doing market research on Transylvanian tourism? "Hey, let's create a fictional vampire to boost the local economy. Brilliant!"
I imagine the Romanian Tourism Board meeting: "Folks, we need a new strategy. How about we embrace the whole vampire thing? Offer 'Bite and Breakfast' packages. I can see the brochures now: 'Experience the nightlife like never before!'
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I decided to hit the gym while I was in Romania. Figured I could use some exercise after all that castle climbing. But here's the thing, they have this unique workout routine called "Avoiding Sunlight Squats." I walk in, and everyone's in capes. I'm thinking it's a weird fashion trend until I realize it's part of the workout gear. I ask the trainer, "Is this necessary?" He looks at me dead serious and says, "You never know when you might need to turn into a bat."
I'm there doing my jumping jacks, and the guy next to me is levitating. I'm like, "Dude, we're just here for the abs, not absolution!
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So, I'm in Romania, right? And everyone has these super cool-sounding names. I'm trying to fit in, so I introduce myself as "Grigore." The locals just stare at me. Apparently, I butchered it. It's more like "Gree-gor-ay." I sound like a failed attempt at a French accent. I'm telling you, the names here are a workout for your tongue. They're like the vocal version of an obstacle course. You're walking down the street, trying to greet someone, and suddenly you hit a syllabic landmine. "Hey, nice to meet you, Alexandru... I mean, Alex... maybe?"
I'm convinced the Romanian language was designed to keep foreigners humble. You can't just stroll in and say, "Oh, my name is Joe." No, here it's more like, "My name is Ionatanescu... but you can call me John.
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You know you're in Romania when every other person claims to have a castle in the family. Seriously, it's like they're handing out castles as party favors. "Oh, you came to visit? Here's a castle. Enjoy your stay!" I tried to buy one, you know, to fit in. Went to the real estate agent, and they're like, "Do you want the haunted or non-haunted version?" I'm thinking, "What kind of options are these? Is the haunted one a fixer-upper, or do I need to hire an exorcist along with a plumber?"
And let me tell you, the property tax on these castles must be a killer. "How much is the monthly payment?" "Well, it's in blood, but we do accept Visa and MasterCard.
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