4 Jokes For Riddler

Standup-Comedy Bits

Updated on: Aug 07 2024

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You ever notice how the Riddler from Batman is basically the world's worst villain? I mean, come on, dude, you're trying to be menacing, but all you do is leave riddles behind. It's like he went to villain school and got a degree in "How to Annoy People 101."
I can imagine Batman just rolling his eyes every time he sees a question mark. "Oh, great, another riddle. Can't you just rob a bank like a normal criminal?" It's like the Riddler's evil plan is just to make Batman's life more complicated. "Oh no, Batman, you have to solve my riddles to save Gotham! It's like a game, but with high stakes and potential explosions."
And what's the deal with those riddles anyway? They're not exactly brain teasers; they're more like dad jokes with a criminal twist. "I have keys but no locks. I have space but no room. You can enter, but you can't go inside. What am I?" Uhh, my ex-girlfriend's heart after I forgot our anniversary?
I bet the Riddler's failed stand-up comedian career is what led him down this path. "If they won't laugh at my jokes, maybe they'll be terrified by them!" But seriously, Riddler, maybe invest in a better gimmick. Leave Sudoku puzzles at the crime scene or something. At least that way, you might be helping Batman improve his math skills.
You know, the Riddler might be onto something with these riddles. I mean, imagine if we brought this into our everyday lives. You go to the grocery store, and instead of price tags, everything has a riddle.
"Two for a dollar, I'm green and leafy, what am I?" Broccoli. It's like a nutritional game show every time you shop. But I can already see the problems. People arguing in the aisles because they can't solve the riddles. "No, Karen, it's not spinach; it's clearly kale! Get it right!"
And what about job interviews? "Why should we hire you?" Well, let me tell you, I work well under pressure, can solve a Rubik's Cube in under a minute, and I once deciphered the Riddler's hidden message on a cereal box. Hire me, and I'll bring that level of problem-solving to your company!
But imagine if everything in life had a riddle attached. Relationships would be like, "I'm full of emotions, can be sweet or salty, and sometimes you can't figure me out. What am I?" Your significant other. And then you have to solve the riddle to avoid an argument. It's like a sitcom, but with higher stakes.
I tried going on a vacation recently, and it felt like the Riddler was in charge of planning the whole trip. Every step of the way was a puzzle.
First, the flight. "I can fly without wings, and I have a tail. What am I?" A plane. Congratulations, you've solved the riddle and won yourself a middle seat with no legroom.
Then, the hotel. "I have rooms but no doors, beds but no sleep. What am I?" A hotel. And if you manage to sleep with the noise from the neighboring room's party, you deserve a gold medal.
And let's not forget about navigation. "I can guide you, tell you where to go, and sometimes sound annoying. What am I?" GPS. And if it tells you to make a U-turn when possible for the tenth time, just throw it out the window.
Vacations shouldn't feel like a scavenger hunt designed by the Riddler. I just want to relax, not unlock the secrets of the universe. Maybe next time I'll go camping – the only riddle there is figuring out how to set up a tent.
I think the Riddler missed his true calling – as a dating coach. I mean, hear me out. Instead of leaving riddles at crime scenes, imagine him giving relationship advice.
"Love is like a puzzle. Sometimes you have to find the missing piece, and other times you just want to throw the whole thing away and start over." Deep, right? Or how about, "A successful date is like solving a riddle. You have to listen, pay attention to details, and hope they don't turn out to be a conundrum in disguise."
And imagine the Riddler on a first date. "I have eyes but can't see, a tongue but can't taste. What am I?" Uh, a potato? No, it's nerves, but close enough. He'd be the king of icebreakers. "If you were a riddle, what would you be?" Smooth.
But I can see the problems too. Imagine breaking up with someone using a riddle. "Our love is like a mystery novel. It started with excitement, but now I've lost interest, and the plot is too predictable." Ouch. Maybe the Riddler's dating advice is better left unsolicited.

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