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Why did the woman's dog go to school? It wanted to improve its 'bark'-ing skills!
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Why did the woman's dog bring a pencil to the park? It wanted to draw some 'paw-trait' sketches!
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Why did the woman bring a ladder to her dog's birthday party? Because she wanted to raise the woof!
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How did the woman's dog respond when she asked if it wanted a bath? It said, 'No way, I'm not a 'shampoodle'!
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What's a dog's favorite instrument? The trombone—it's always a 'paw-some' experience!
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I took my girlfriend's dog for a walk, and it stopped to pee on a tree. I thought, 'Hey, that's my move!' Now I know how dogs feel when I interrupt their perfectly planned bathroom breaks.
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Dating is like owning a dog. Both involve leash laws and cleaning up a lot of crap, but at least with a dog, you can blame the smell on someone else.
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I bought a dog to impress women, thinking it would make me more approachable. Little did I know, it's like having a furry wingman who steals the show. Now I'm just the guy standing next to the four-legged Casanova.
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My girlfriend's dog sleeps in our bed, and it snores louder than a chainsaw. I tried getting earplugs, but they don't make ones strong enough to drown out the canine symphony. I've officially become a sleep-deprived hostage to a furry snoring bandit.
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I took my girlfriend's dog to a dog park, and it instantly made friends. Meanwhile, I stood there awkwardly trying to strike up a conversation with the other dog owners. It's like my dog has a better social life than I do. I'm just the human trying to fit in with the cool canine crowd.
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My girlfriend's dog has this intense stare, like it's analyzing my every move. I'm just waiting for it to start taking notes and grading my performance. 'C- for that attempt at a romantic gesture, buddy. You need to up your game.'
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The other day, my girlfriend said, 'I love you more than I love my dog.' I looked at the dog and thought, 'Yeah, right.' I mean, I've never seen her make out with the dog, but I have caught them sharing spaghetti Lady and the Tramp style.
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My girlfriend treats her dog like royalty. I'm just waiting for the day she starts bowing down to it and offering it the last bite of her sandwich. I guess I'll be the court jester, fetching the squeaky toys and making goofy faces.
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I asked my girlfriend if she wanted a dog. She said, 'Sure, but only if it's a small, well-behaved one.' So, I got her a pet rock. It doesn't bark, doesn't chew my shoes, and has the emotional depth of a potato.
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