17 Jokes For Wife Complain

Puns

Updated on: Dec 06 2024

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I told my wife she should embrace her inner child. She gave me a crayon and told me to draw a better conclusion.
Why did the wife bring a ruler to bed? To measure how long I could sleep on the couch.
Why did the wife bring a watch to the argument? She wanted to have the time of her life.
Why did the wife bring a ladder to the bar? She heard the drinks were on the house.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list. Now I can't read it without singing, 'I will always love you.
Why did the wife bring a pencil to bed? To draw her own conclusions.

The Mystery of the Missing Socks

There's a mystery in our house that even Sherlock Holmes couldn't solve – the case of the missing socks. Seriously, our laundry room must be a portal to another dimension where single socks disappear to start a new life.

Bedtime Negotiations

Every night, my wife and I engage in intense negotiations at bedtime. It's like a UN summit where we discuss important matters like the ideal room temperature, the number of pillows required for world peace, and the strategic placement of stuffed animals.

Remote Control Diplomacy 2.0

We recently upgraded our TV, thinking it would solve our remote control disputes. Little did I know, the new smart TV comes with its own set of demands. Now, my wife and I are negotiating with Alexa to find common ground on what to watch. Even technology can't save us from domestic diplomacy!

Laundry Lessons

My wife says I don't know how to do laundry properly. I mean, really? It's not rocket science. But apparently, there's a secret laundry code, and I'm convinced it's written in invisible ink that only wives can see.

Husband Olympics

My wife complains that I never listen to her. I told her, Honey, if there was a Husband Olympics, I'd be a gold medalist in selective hearing. I can tune out complaints faster than an Olympic sprinter can run.

Remote Control Diplomacy

My wife and I have diplomatic negotiations every night over the TV remote. It's like a mini United Nations session, except instead of discussing world peace, we're arguing over whether it's time for another episode of my favorite show or not.

Toothpaste Wars

We have this ongoing war in our house – the Toothpaste Wars. Apparently, squeezing the toothpaste from the middle is a crime punishable by the silent treatment. Who knew that dental hygiene could lead to such a cold war?

Cooking Catastrophes

My wife complains that I can't cook. I beg to differ. I've mastered the fine art of ordering takeout. It's like cooking, but without the risk of setting off the smoke alarm.

Garbage Bin Wars

Taking out the garbage has become a battlefield in our house. I've learned that tying the bag is not just a simple task; it's an art form that requires precision, expertise, and the ability to dodge flying coffee grounds.

Marriage Decoder Ring

You ever feel like you need a decoder ring just to understand what your wife is complaining about? Like, I swear, I must have missed the chapter on Why the Toilet Paper Roll Placement Matters in the husband handbook.

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