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Let's talk about hashtags. I mean, who came up with the idea of putting a pound sign in front of a word and turning it into a global phenomenon? It's like the internet took the pound sign and turned it into the rockstar of punctuation. On Twitter, every word has a hashtag. I saw someone hashtagging their breakfast. "#BestCerealEver." Really? Are we rating cereals now? What's next, a cereal influencer? "This morning, I'm trying the limited edition Pumpkin Spice Crunch. Stay tuned for my in-depth review."
And then there are those people who use hashtags in verbal conversations. Like, they say something funny and then go, "Hashtag, just kidding." No, Susan, we're not on Twitter right now. You don't need to hashtag your sarcasm. Save that for your tweets about your cat's conspiracy theories.
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Have you ever been unfriended on social media? It's a modern-day tragedy. It's like they took a virtual eraser and wiped you out of their digital life. And the worst part is, they never tell you why. You just wake up one day, check your friend count, and realize you've been digitally dumped. I'm always torn between wanting to confront them and being too lazy to care. It's like, "Did I offend you with my excessive cat photos, or did you just need to make room for your newfound love of inspirational quotes?" Either way, it's a blow to the digital ego.
But the real question is, do you unfriend them back or take the high road and let them lurk on your profile like a social media ghost? Decisions, decisions. Maybe I should just post a passive-aggressive status about it and let the likes and comments roll in. Hashtag drama queen problems.
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You ever notice the difference between friends and followers? I mean, in real life, if I told a joke and only one person laughed, I'd be devastated. But on social media, if I post a joke and one person likes it, I'm like, "I'm a comedy genius!" And let's talk about the term "followers." It makes me feel like some kind of cult leader. Like, "Yes, my minions, follow me into the abyss of cat memes and inspirational quotes." But in reality, most of my followers are just bots trying to sell me fake Ray-Bans.
I also have that friend who has a million followers but only follows five people. It's like their follow button has a VIP section, and the rest of us are stuck in general admission. I'm just waiting for the day they tweet, "Sorry, peasants, I can only follow back the chosen few.
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You ever notice how social media is like a bad relationship? I mean, on Twitter, you get into these heated arguments with strangers. It's like a virtual boxing match, but instead of gloves, people use hashtags. And Facebook, oh man, that's where family drama becomes a public spectacle. You know it's serious when your grandma starts throwing shade in the comments section. I was on Twitter the other day, and someone disagreed with me. Can you believe that? Disagreed with me on the internet! I had to Google the symptoms of a heart attack because I thought I was having one. But then I remembered, it's just Twitter. You can't take it too seriously; it's basically the WWE of opinions.
And Facebook, don't even get me started. You post a photo of your lunch, and suddenly it's a political debate. I just wanted to show off my sandwich, not start World War III in the comment section. I miss the good old days when the only drama on Facebook was deciding which FarmVille crops to harvest.
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