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I told Thomas he should become a chef because he's good at cracking jokes. Now he's the master of the pun-try!
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Why did Thomas bring a broom to the party? Because he wanted to sweep everyone off their feet with laughter!
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Why did Thomas bring a ladder to the bar? Because he heard the drinks were on the house!
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What do you call a detective named Thomas who only solves cases involving pasta? Spag-thom!
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Why did Thomas bring a ladder to the comedy club? To take his jokes to the next level!
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Why did Thomas take a pencil to his job interview? In case they asked him to draw some conclusions!
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What's Thomas' favorite type of music? Hip-hop, because he can't resist a good pun!
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Why did Thomas refuse to play hide and seek with his cat? Because every time he hid, it found him in a whisker!
The Name Thomas
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You ever notice how every group has that one guy named Thomas, and when someone says, Hey, where's Thomas? everyone just collectively shrugs. Thomas is the human embodiment of the question mark.
The Name Thomas
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You ever notice how when someone says the name Thomas, it sounds like they're about to reveal the secret ingredient to a really bland soup? Like, Ah yes, my friends, gather around, for tonight's culinary masterpiece includes the name Thomas! It's the spice of indifference.
The Name Thomas
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I heard there's a club for people named Thomas. It's called The Thomases. I imagine their meetings are just a bunch of guys sitting around arguing whether Thomases should have an apostrophe or not. That's one grammatically conflicted support group.
The Name Thomas
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You ever notice how people with the name Thomas never go by Tom with confidence? It's always a hesitant You can call me Tom if you want... or Thomas, I guess. It's like they're not sure if they want to be a laid-back buddy or a distinguished English butler.
The Name Thomas
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I met a guy named Thomas the other day. Thomas, with an 'H.' Because apparently, regular Thomas was too mainstream. I asked him, Did your parents just want to make spelling your name in kindergarten a real challenge?
The Name Thomas
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Thomas is such a classic name. It's like the beige of names. No one's excited about beige walls, and no one's jumping for joy when they hear, Oh, his name is Thomas. It's the name equivalent of elevator music.
The Name Thomas
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I dated a guy named Thomas once. He said he was looking for a committed relationship, but I think he was just practicing his commitment issues. Classic Thomas.
The Name Thomas
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I heard they're making a horror movie called The Curse of Thomas. Spoiler alert: It's just about a guy trying to find his name on a keychain at a souvenir shop. Now that's true terror.
The Name Thomas
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Thomas is the type of name that gets stuck in your head for all the wrong reasons. It's like an annoying jingle you can't shake off. You meet someone named Thomas, and suddenly you're involuntarily humming the theme song to mediocrity.
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