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Why did the taxidermist get promoted? Because he always knew how to stuff things!
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Why was the taxidermist so well-liked? He had a knack for making friends with stuffed animals!
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Why did the taxidermist make a terrible poker player? He always had a tell-tale mount!
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Why did the taxidermist start a band? Because he wanted to rock the stuffing out of everyone!
The Taxidermist's Bucket List
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You know you're a dedicated taxidermist when your bucket list includes mounting a squirrel riding a miniature skateboard. That's when you realize someone's dream is just a little too wild.
Taxidermy Therapy
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I went to a therapist who moonlights as a taxidermist. After every session, instead of giving me advice, he handed me a stuffed animal version of myself. I guess that's his way of saying, You're officially a museum exhibit of emotional baggage.
Taxidermy School Daze
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I tried taking a taxidermy class once. Let's just say, my attempts at stuffing a duck looked more like I was trying to create a poultry balloon animal. The instructor gave me a sympathy diploma and a number for a taxidermist therapist.
Taxidermy and Tinder
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I met a taxidermist on Tinder. His profile said he's great at preserving memories. Turns out, he meant preserving them in the form of creepy animal displays. Romantic dates now involve staring at a stuffed raccoon instead of dinner.
Taxidermy Troubles
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I visited a taxidermist once, and the guy was so into his work that he tried to stuff my pet goldfish. I was like, Dude, it's already in a bowl. What's next, a mounted canary on the wall?
Taxidermist's Artistic License
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You ever notice how taxidermists take some artistic liberties? I asked one to stuff my cat, and now it looks like it's starring in a horror movie. I didn't ask for 'Pet Sematary,' I asked for 'Fluffy's Eternal Lounge.
Taxidermist's Retirement Plan
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I heard a taxidermist say he's retiring soon. He's got big plans - opening a wildlife-themed restaurant. I can see it now, the menu: Stuffed Chicken, Mounted Trout, and the Special: Deer on a Bed of Greens.
The Taxidermist Tango
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You ever been to a taxidermist? It's like a bizarre dance studio for animals. They're in there, doing the tango with a deer, trying to get the fox to foxtrot. I asked the taxidermist, Is this a dance class or a zoo after-party?
The Taxidermist's Cookbook
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I found a cookbook written by a taxidermist. Chapter one: Stuffing the Turkey, and No, I Don't Mean with Bread. It's a recipe book where every dish comes with a pair of glassy, lifeless eyes staring back at you. Bon appétit!
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