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There's always that one question about your job satisfaction. "How satisfied are you with your current job?" Well, let me put it this way – if my job were a movie, it would be a horror film titled "Meetings That Never End.
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They asked me if I owned a pet, and I said yes. Then the survey got all serious, asking, "Do you consider your pet a member of your family?" Of course, I do! But now I'm worried about the pets who didn't make the cut. Sorry, goldfish. You're not family; you're just entertainment.
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I got a survey that asked, "What's your preferred mode of transportation?" Is there an option for "Teleportation" yet? Because I'm still waiting for that to become a thing. I'd love to skip traffic and be at the office in the blink of an eye.
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They asked me, "How many hours of sleep do you get on average?" I wanted to write, "Not enough," but I settled for a number. Now I'm thinking, what if they judge me for not getting the recommended eight hours? Can I get a survey that asks, "How many cups of coffee do you consume to survive each day?
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They asked, "How often do you cook at home?" I had to be honest and say, "Rarely." Does ordering takeout count as cooking? Because if it does, then I'm practically a chef.
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Surveys and their hypothetical scenarios! "If you won a million dollars, what would you do?" Probably spend it on therapy to deal with the sudden influx of relatives and friends I never knew I had.
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Ever notice how surveys always ask about your age range? Like, "Are you 18-24, 25-34, 35-44?" Can we talk about the real age range categories: "Can't remember my age," "I stopped counting after 30," and "I don't want to talk about it"?
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Surveys love to get deep and philosophical. "If you could change one thing about your life, what would it be?" Well, I'd like to change the fact that I'm answering this survey instead of binge-watching my favorite TV show right now.
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Surveys are the only place where being average is a good thing. "On a scale from 1 to 10, how average do you consider your physical fitness?" I'm aiming for a solid 5 – not too fit, not too lazy. Just call me Mr. Mediocre.
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