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You ever notice how bosses sometimes make you question the very concept of intelligence? I mean, I had a boss once who thought Ctrl+C and Ctrl+V were secret spy codes. I'd copy something, and he'd be like, "What are you plotting there? Are you planning to take over the company by duplicating spreadsheets?" And then there are those bosses who think they're Einstein reincarnated. They come up with these genius ideas that make you wonder if they've been secretly studying the art of confusion. Like, "Let's have a meeting about our meetings. And then let's discuss why we're discussing our discussions." Brilliant, right?
But the best part is when they try to use technology. I swear, watching them attempt to operate a computer is like witnessing a magic show gone wrong. They click on random things, the screen freezes, and they give you that look like they just discovered a parallel universe. "I don't know what I did, but look, the computer's talking to us in hieroglyphics now!
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Let's talk about the logic of bosses for a second. They'll assign you a task that requires at least 36 hours to complete, hand it to you at 4:55 PM, and say, "This needs to be done by 5 PM. No pressure!" They'll micromanage you to the point where you start questioning your own existence. "Why did you use a semicolon here? Can't we replace it with an ancient hieroglyph or something more relevant?"
And when you finally manage to pull off a miracle and finish the impossible task, what do they say? "Great job! Now, can you do the same thing with these 10 other projects by yesterday?
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You know, bosses have this uncanny ability to drop these "wisdom bombs" that make you question the entire purpose of the universe. They'll come up to you and say, "Remember, the early bird gets the worm!" And you're standing there thinking, "Yeah, but the second mouse gets the cheese, Carl!" They'll throw in these profound sayings as if it's the key to unlocking the secrets of the universe. "Work smarter, not harder," they'll say, while simultaneously piling on tasks until you feel like you're running a one-person marathon.
And then they have the nerve to say, "There's no 'I' in 'team.'" Well, there's no 'U' in 'helpful,' but here we are, Karen!
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I'm convinced bosses have their own language. You hear them say something, and you've got to decode it like it's a secret message from Area 51. "We're considering some changes" actually means "Get ready for chaos, folks!" When they say, "Let's brainstorm," it's code for "I forgot to come up with a plan, so I'm counting on you geniuses to save the day!"
And my personal favorite: "Let's touch base." Translation: "I have no idea what's going on, but let's waste an hour pretending like we do!"
Bosses, they're the real cryptographers of the workplace, decoding their language should be a job requirement!
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