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I saw a group of kids doing a dance routine at the talent show. It was less "So You Think You Can Dance" and more "So You Think You Can Avoid Tripping Over Your Own Feet." But hey, they had enthusiasm! I gave them points for not accidentally creating a domino effect.
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Why do they call it a "talent" show when half the acts make you question the very definition of talent? I saw a kid playing the triangle so off-key that even the triangles in the kitchen cringed.
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Speaking of recorders, why is it that every school talent show has at least one kid attempting to play the recorder? It's like the unofficial instrument of childhood regret. And parents, we sit there smiling, thinking, "Wow, my child is the next Mozart... if Mozart had chosen the most annoying instrument.
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The school talent show is the only place where a kid can proudly announce, "I'm going to tell jokes!" and everyone in the audience collectively groans. Little Jimmy, you're not a stand-up comedian; you're just testing our patience.
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You ever notice how at a school talent show, every kid looks at the audience like they've just discovered a cure for boredom? "Behold, my incredible talent of playing 'Hot Cross Buns' on the recorder!
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You know you're at a school talent show when the applause is directly proportional to the cuteness of the kid involved. It's like, "Sure, little Timmy played the triangle, but did you see how adorable he looked doing it? Standing ovation!
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Finally, I love how every talent show ends with a grand finale where all the kids come together on stage to sing a song. It's heartwarming until you realize that it's less about musical harmony and more about surviving the chaos of synchronized chaos. "We Are the World" meets "We Are the Wildly Off-Key.
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At the talent show, they had a kid reciting a poem. Now, call me old-fashioned, but when I was a kid, a talent show meant juggling or doing magic tricks, not reciting something that could be mistaken for an entry in their diary. "Roses are red, violets are blue, why am I standing in front of all of you?
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Ever notice that every kid at the talent show has that one relative who insists on filming the entire performance with their giant iPad? It's like they're auditioning to be the official documentarian of elementary school mediocrity. "Coming soon to a family gathering near you: 'The Epic Tales of Nephew's Talent.'
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